Pema Chödrön (say "pay-muh chur-dren") names the exact moment her second marriage ended as the one where every shield she'd built finally gave out at once, not gradually, all together. She doesn't describe this as failing to cope; she describes it as contact with something true that the shields had been keeping out until then. Most of us spend real effort maintaining our own shields, staying busy, staying certain, staying in control, precisely so we never find out what's underneath them. Today, if something small cracks a shield you didn't know you were holding up, let it stay open one minute before you patch it.
When my second marriage fell apart, I tasted the rawness of grief, the utter groundlessness of sorrow, and all the protective shields I had always managed to keep in place fell to pieces.
Taking the Leap: Freeing Ourselves from Old Habits and Fears (Pema Chödrön)